little helena’s big adventure…

alright…well the show has opened. it went well, and i am proud of the show. the road has been rough; very rough…but sadly, and some what thankfully, the end is near hah.

i know a lot of people have been coming out of the theatre not know at all what they just saw on stage. the play is weird. i know this. i heard about kids coming out of the theatre and saying, “how am i going to be able to write 3 pages about that?..” still, i think you could write many pages about this piece. Not really just the piece, but the idea behind it. what if the world really boiled down to a world where everyone was against one another. but i really hope it makes people think, at least.

its funny- i have a hard time describing the show. when people ask…”oh, whats it about?” i always seem to be a little loss for words. i usually say- its an interesting anti-war piece. i had a really different experience working on this show. i think its some-what refreshing that i can’t describe the show very well. it has many different and important ideas behind it: relationships, family, war, struggle, survival… and the list could go on and on…thats probably why is so hard to describe…its amazing how caryl churchill can put so much into only 50 minutes…

well had another weekend full of rehearsal. things are definetly coming along. Mitch and i got to work with even more props. its a little hard to grasp everything and keep in mind that I am actually constructing a hat from scratch. i really admire the process. I cant wait till we finally get to use the actual props. I feel like that will help me understand exactly what i am doing. gregg keeps talking about the precision about the work… and i want to be so comfortable with my work that i would actually be able to carry on a conversation with a co-worker and still sew on buchrum. i have to deal with a steamer on stage, and i am really intrigued to see use how it looks. i really think it will create a whole new texture to the show. i really want to keep pushing my self with this production, its been draining so far, but it know if i keep pushing myself i will make choices that i would never have made if i was just settling for what i had done. i’m proud of the show so far… and i’m awaiting when things really come together.

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i realized i haven’t talked about ashley, the mini me (the young Joan), at all so far involving the process of the show. she provides such a great happiness and joy, and almost simplicity of the show. it always makes me smile when she insists on giving every single person in the cast and team a hug when she arrives and when she leaves. I was lucky enough to join her and her mother in down town fredericksburg and the hyperion coffee shop with Steve on friday. its adorable how much Ashley and her mother interact. they are so similar in so many ways, even though there are so many years between them. it helps me see how i could see myself, Joan, as a young child. i’m so impressed with ashley. she has done a great job so far, and i can’t wait to see her in her adorable night gown on stage being her adorable self.

i had a great moment with her back stage this sunday. after we had finished the second act, and i was waiting to go on in the third act…she came up to me and again gave me a hug, and she said “you’re doing great!… but…i dont get the show.” it was so sweet and genuine. and I told her, “well sometimes i don’t get the show either. but soon enough things will come together and hopefully it will make more sense to you.” and she responded with, “yes! i’m so excited.” i love ashley and i’m so glad she has had this great opportunity to do something so adventurous at such a young age. when i was talking with them at the coffee shop i was saying that Ashley is going to have much more experience with acting then i did when i started college. She’s got a head start haha.

apparently ashley’s mother wants to go back to school and she wants to start taking classes again…and/or dabble in theatre and art… but she’s not sure what she wants to be when she grows up…

and ashley said, “But….Mommy, you’re already grown up.”

She replied, “No, ashley. I actually have a lot left to do.”

well, when i see images like this it really helps me put things into perspective. we all have our lives… and we all have our hopes and dreams. your own personal life seems like the most important thing… but to someone else, of course, their life is the most important. when i think about the affect i can have on the world i live in, i have to be practical but still hopeful that i can cause change.

this idea is very important in my process to understand joan in Far Away. I have this image of joan being the young activist that thrusts herself into something bigger… thinking that she can stop the war… stop the pain. but it can’t be just one person. she has a naive look on the world, and she hasn’t thought everything through. she is risking her life for something she may not fulling believe in.

i, of couse, want to make my mark… but what will it be? what will i have to sacrifice? what will i have to go through to achieve it?…. only time will tell.

this was from this past saturday (thought i should post it anyway)

well here we are….i mean i am. i’m sitting in the box office awaiting the time i get to play with hats! haha. today mitch and i get to work with the milliner. (aka the guy who makes the hats). I’m excited- it should be fun and very different.

last night i think all of us had a great rehearsal. not gonna lie- i was nervous. I’ve been nervous for every rehearsal. I don’t know if that’s a good thing…but gregg has been talking a lot of hearing the words in the piece, and hearing how beautiful and lyrical the words are. the more we read it the more i hear it. even though i may not understand everything fully, i can still hear the beauty in it.

for some reason i’m having difficult time talking (typing) right now… so maybe i’ll use the save button… and continue this later?….

well literally about 15 minutes i finished the movie “Children of Men.” i have been trying to watch this movie for the past 5 days, but have been unsuccessful. finally tonight i had the time and the proper dvd.

ok… i’ll admit- it made me cry. I can’t remember the last time a movie made me cry (actually i do- dead poets society…but anways, that was still a long time ago) and i don’t mean just cry- it moved me. I was sitting in my comfy chair with head phones on hearing nothing else besides the story. i have been saying that this movie might help me with my understanding of Far Away. the movie is about the world going to hell because women can’t have children any more. I related the mayhem aspect of this movie to Far Away. the story is so intense and scary -to think that the world could possibly be like that- so dark.

I felt immeresed in the story and the people. Almost all the characters in the movie barely knew each other but they sacrificed their lives for hope… for the future. I want how i felt while i watched this movie to be how i feel as Joan, in Far Away. I’m risking my life for hope, for peace. I feel like i have made one of the first big steps to grasping this play. When I read it the first time, I didn’t understand it, and couldn’t take it seriously. But now i think, If my world ends up anything like it is in Children of Men, I will risk my life- just like Joan. I may do it with a naive mind, but i’m still there- still trying.

I’m a visual learner, and i think seeing this world made the world of Far Away real to me. I’m still scared about this play, but i’m more intrigued; more intrigued to discover the world. I hope this doesn’t come out as fake- i may just be acting emotional… but I feel like i’m actually ready.